Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
