the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
