he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
