He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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