You're so nebulous sometimes
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
