chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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