I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
