Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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