Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
