I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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