all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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