If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
