I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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