i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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