They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
