If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
