Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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