I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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