rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
