Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We left an ass print on the piano.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
