So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
