FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize