Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
