Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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