I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
