Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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