Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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