Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
