he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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