Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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