so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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