I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
