Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
