I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
