Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
