I feel great
I just peed on a car
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
