Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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