i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
