We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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