I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
