Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
