So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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