Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I seem to have left my pride at pride
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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