Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
