i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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