Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
