Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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