no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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