Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
