Where are you?
In a non slutty way
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
