dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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