I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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