I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
