I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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