went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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