I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
