I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
