Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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