yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
