i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
