Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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