they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
