and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
