and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
