im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
