Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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