I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
At least make sure they are 18
Why
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
