as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
