Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
