Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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