Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
