WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
