sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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