Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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