Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
